Group Therapy
by General-BOLT
Summary: It's Disgruntled Bosses Anonymous with all of your fav. bosses.rated for cursing, violence.
1. Easy Come, Easy Go

Disclaimer: All of the following chars. belong to Square-Enix

What happens, when the bosses face there toughest challenge ever, GROUP THERAPY!!!

(7 of the bosses can be seen in a VERY large room, they are seated in a circle of chairs.)

Therapist: Hello, and welcome, to Disgruntled Bosses Anonymous, I'm your therapist Frank, I'm not actually a therapist, but for me this will count as community service which puts me closer to probation. You are all here today to get over your many issues.

Raem: Issues? You callin' me fucked up! I'll eat yo' memories bitch!

Jack Moschet: Stop yelling! (eyes start to tear up) You sound like my wife. (sniffle)

Maggie: Shuuut up, you worthless excuse for a husband, you can even protect your own house from people 1/20 your size!

Armstrong: Whoa Maggie, calm down, here, try some of the shrooms growing on me. The colors you get to see afterwards are awesome! (Armstrong's eye bulges, swells up, and then the pupil shrinks to the size of a pinhead.) WHOA!!!

Giant Crab: Am I the only one normal here?!

Dragon Zombie: Everyone shut the hell up! Your making me angry, and when I'm angry, somebody dies!

(Just then, 2 goblins rush in, only one is carrying a ridiculously large sword.)

Iron Giant: WHAT?! Only one sword! (The goblin pleas and begs for forgiveness) That's it, DIE FOOL!

(IG proceeds to squish, considering how dull the blade his, the goblin with his sword. The goblins' bodies make a crunch sound, blood and goblin body parts splatter all over the room. Needless to say the rest of the group is standing there wide eyed, except for Armstrong who is pretty fucked up. IG then proceeds to soil the remains of the goblins.)

IG: Yeah! Teach you to not do as I say! (turns head to the rest of the group) Now what were we talking about?

Frank: It's going to be a very longtime till anyone of these freaks is sane, sigh.

IG: Who are you calling insane prison asswipe?!

(You can guess what happens next, blood ounce again flies everywhere, it even splatters onto a small window attached to the door of the room.)

Outside in the hall. The prison warden is talking to a real therapist.

Warden: As you will s when a prisoner acts as a therapist to other prisoners, they help each other.

(They walk by the room and see the blood covered window.)

Warren: Let's keep walking.

AN this chapter was short because it was only meant to be a prologue/introduction to the defects of the bosses.


	2. Paranoia Mucho Annoya

AN: Mwahahahahahh I'm back. Time to breath life back into this fic.

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters in this story, they are owned by Square-Enix. I only own my pants, and maybe not even those.

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Once again, the Bosses are in a ridiculously large room. Giant Crab is wondering how he got mixed up in all of this. Maggie is complaining about her husband. Armstrong is, once again, so stoned he thinks he can hear corn planning his demise. The Iron Giant is, yet again, crushing something under the weight of his sword. Raem is eating another convict's memories. Dragon Zombie is threatening the therapist that he will kill him. And Jack Moschet is hiding in a corner, crying?

Therapist:(In a cliché therapist voice) Okay now, everybody gather around and let's all greet each other hmm? Raem, let's start with you.

Raem: So many memories, so little time.

Therapist: Raem we told you before, it's just not possible to eat a persons memor…., what was I talking about? Umm, Armstrong, what about you.

Armstrong: That's Sergeant Armstrong to you private. Now into trenches, this is a war zone. (After saying this, he dives behind a pile of sand bags.) Watch out for a surprise attack from the left corn flank!

Therapist: Hmm, not much improvement there, Giant Crab, have you finally come to terms with your insanity?

Giant Crab: I've told you 13,795,275 times, I'm not insane!

Therapist: Oh really, prove it.

Giant Crab: Okay, Armstrong is suffering from drug addiction that causes him to be fucked up as a drunk moogle 24/7!

Therapist: See, you suffer from intense anger issues. It's not nice to insult our peers. Dragon Zombie, how are you feeling?

Dragon Zombie: Like I wanna kill another ancient Selkie tribe looking for a land only for them.

Therapist: We've gone through this before, you've killed all the Selkies, except for that village near the dessert, aw crap.

Dragon Zombie: Bout fuckin' time they gave me more Selkies to kill!

Therapist: (Walks over to a phone) Yes, we need one tranquilization. Room 435686578611111111-800-Blank'ersAnonymous. Jack Moschet, how are you?

Jack: Hide me, there coming for me. They want the tree. They'll beat me. They come once every three years. They hit me, and stab me, and burn me, and freeze me.

Maggie: Well maybe if you weren't such a wimpy ass Giygas, these things wouldn't happen. I can't believe I married you. Of course, maybe if RAEM, would stop eating my memories (she gives Raem a death glare) I could remember.

Raem: Aw shove it missy. Nobody cares about you or your lame-ass husband.

Jack: (in tears.) Why can't we all just get along? Waaaah!

Giant Crab: Shut up Jack, your paranoia is pissing us all off.

Therapist: See, I told you, you do have severe anger issues.

IG: Hang on, I think I've got a solution. (Pulls out his sword and gives it to Jack) Nex time they come, just hit them with this.

And who should come through door, but four caravanners. At first they only see the Myrrh Tree in the corner, but soon they see the occupants of the room. e what they are up against, their eyes grow to the size of melons.

Random Selkie: We can't take the Myrrh in that abandoned house he says. We need a challenge he says.

Random Clavat: Aw shut up, let's just kill them all already.

Jack: Must not be afraid. (Lifts sword above his head, slashes down smashing the Clavat to pieces.) So much power, in my body. (Turns to the rest of the troupe. With a new, more confident gleam in his eyes.) Batter up mother fuckers!

Selkie: Run!

The troupe runs out into the hallways with Jack in hot pursuit. After killing two mire, and taking several chunks out of the wall, he returns to the room.

Maggie: Hunny! Now I remember why I married you. (She leaps forward and attaches herself to his arm) I'm so proud of you.

Raem: Whatever, you still both suck.

Jack: Hey Raem, you say anything about me and my wife again, and I'll shove this sword so far down your throat, you won't be eating memories for centuries.

Raem: Stupid, Giygas. (Hangs his head low.)

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Well that's all for now, who know whose problems we'll see next time.

Please Review.


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